Conti Thunder Run 2017 – Curtis Parker-Milnes

Over the previous weekend I embarked on a 24-hour endurance relay as part of a team of eight. With captaincy provided by Alan Pollock, could Hyde and Sleek take the intra-club crown?

Friday morning rolled around and it was time to depart to Catton Park, in Walton-on-Trent. The journey was about an hour and a half in the car. I was sharing a tent with Nicola and Poppy. Nicola had checked the weather forecast and wanted to get us there early so we could pitch the tent while it was still dry. Very forward thinking and very prepared! To be honest, I can only be thankful that my new-found running BFF is the mother of a child; now when we go on running adventures I am like an adopted son. The experience at Thunder Run was no different, and I can only thank Nicola unreservedly for bringing enough food to not only feed the three of us, but also the rest of Catton Park.

We had the tent(s) pitched (we also had a spare room/tent for storage of all other items) well ahead of the rain. In fact, it was even sunny for a little while. Russell arrived soon after and had brought his six-man mansion with him, just for himself. It would transpire that this monstrosity became a central point when it was raining as there was a little outdoor porch. Russell’s reign as king of having-enough-space-to-do-a-warm-up-run-in-his-tent was quickly overthrown, too, as five other people eventually eroded all of his space.

At 8 o’clock, the hotly contested Pyjama Run was to be hosted for the kids. Running for HPH we had both Poppy and Iris. The weather was miserable and the start was delayed, but the children complained less than me. I had taken a two-litre tankard of Old Rosie as my poison of choice, but had decanted some of this into a bottle as I thought it wouldn’t be a good look shouting at children with a tankard of cider. After the pyjama run was done, we retreated to the porch of Casa Russell where the evening drew in and Old Rosie became Old Faithful. I slept very well that night, despite torrential downpours and I woke up in the morning hangover free…

Saturday, also known as parkrunday, arrived. The parkrun of choice was Rosliston – just a few miles away from Catton Park. Rosliston is a one-lap, very picturesque parkrun. As always, the parkrun weather fairy was kind and the morning was glorious as we trotted around. I crossed the line in a steady 32:56. Just because we’re doing a 24-hour relay, doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be doing parkrun! While at Rosliston, I was also introduced to Pete who was part of core team there and who I was to later see out on course at Thunder Run. I’d also bumped into Charlie Pearce who was running his first parkrun in a million years. We had no time to stop for a coffee as we had to be back and get ourselves sorted for the upcoming challenge.

Hyde and Sleek hadn’t quite decided our running order so supreme overlord/player-manager Pollock put pen to paper and came up with his starting VIII: Taylor, Grant, Pollock (c), Culshaw, Young, Evans, Parker-Milnes, Scarlett.

Twelve o’clock rolled around and the weather was still lovely. We had meandered over to the start to see the first HPHers off and en route I bumped into some parkrun friends – Jo (Pontefract), Tom (every parkrun ever), Leigh (Paris/Temple Newsam) and Richard and Dona (Belton House). The race started and we watched everyone off from the start line – a flurry of activity and a lot of runners all setting off. Michael was out of the blocks like a shot and ended up completing the first lap in just over 41 minutes. Then Gary, then Alan, then Robin, then Caroline (I started getting ready while Caroline was out), and then Clare.

Number pinned on ✓
Ankle tag/timing chip attached ✓
NipGuards firmly stuck to sensitive nipples ✓

The NipGuards attracted a lot of attention, particularly from a select few females. (Naming no names, but it was Heather & Naomi.)

The weather had started deteriorating while Clare was out and by the time my lap was up it was raining. In the handover pen I bumped into Aron & Heather; once Heather set off I had to confess to Aron that she had been looking at my nipples. Soon after, Clare arrived (which thankfully dissipated the tension) and with that, the baton was handed over and I was away!

It was a surreal feeling running along the trail, with no visible marshals, and a pretty quiet running route. There were a few people up ahead, but not many. The route quickly turned off the main path and started a climb up through a small wooded section – there were some areas along here that were already pretty slippy, with a lot of undulation. After the woods, the route went back through the campsite, to lots of cheers. Basically, the route was pretty twisty turny, took us up a few hills, down a few technical sections. Just after the half way mark there was a water station where I saw Pete Hurdman again, who gave me a little cheer. I continued around the corner and up the next hill, which again took me towards a twisty turny technical section through more woods.

Suddenly, at about 7.5km, I could see the red and white of a Hyde Park Harrier. It turned out to be the one and only Heather from You Can Run But You Can’t Hyde Park Harriers. I opted not to trip her up. Instead, I ran up some of the hill with her before, much to her dismay, running away. I later learnt that at this point I’d actually taken the lead within our teams. At the top of the hill, there were wonderful views of greyness and misery. I’m sure if the sun had been out it would’ve been much nicer. The wind and rain was quite strong across here and I was happy to get to the hairpin and start a descent back towards camp. After running around the lake and past where we lived, I was nearly at the finish line. One final push up a short sharp hill and I picked up my pace, rounded the final few corners and handed over to Sam! That’s me done for another few hours…

I wandered back over to camp, quite cold. I shared the news of my time: 53:05. It wasn’t met with groans of despair so I was pretty happy. I meandered back over towards the showers and after making friends in the queue I finally got warm again. I spent an inordinate amount of time washing and conditioning my hair, with my body wash of choice being Molton Brown’s Orange & Bergamot number. #glamping.

Time passed relatively quickly, as the weather worsened. It wasn’t long before my midnight leg was due to start and with a bag of clean clothes and shower items packed for handover, I wandered back to the start area. Sam had unfortunately injured herself in the meantime and so I was handing over to Michael next. Many people handing over just before me were echoing the same apocalyptic statements: “be really careful” and “don’t worry about running fast.”

Clare handed over to me and my leg started. The headtorch run was even more surreal than before. The mud was appalling and the conditions were pretty slippy. I tried avoiding some of the big puddles but after nearly falling on my arse after sliding down a banking I decided to just go gung-ho. In hindsight, ever bothering to avoid puddles was a stupid idea. I was running pretty hard and pretty fast for the first few kilometres (Strava later determined “pretty fast” was a lie) and before long I was at the halfway point. Pete was still there, so I said hello again, stopped and had a quick drink.

There’s no point trying to articulate how treacherous the conditions were, or how much mud there was, or how rainy it was. At the hill where I had passed Heather before (did I mention this, Heather?) I looked down and there was actually a river of mud flowing down beneath my feet and there were puddles in my shoes. Totally ridiculous, but I felt GNARLY! I got back to the finish and as handing over to Michael I apologised for being a bit slower than planned, then, much to the amusement of everyone in the handover zone, I perfectly executed a line I had been planning for the final nine kilometres: “Did you put your sun cream on?” (I discovered this was definitely a “had to be there” moment though, as I told this story to my stony-faced girlfriend.)

With my showering goodies in my possession, and a recorded time of 1:04:55, I went for a wash. Who thought the queue would be so long at 1:30 am? After a while I finally got into one. As soon as all my sodden clothes were off, I realised I had forgotten to bring a towel with me. This was to be the ultimate tragedy of the weekend. After washing all the mud off, I shook myself around for a while to try and dry myself somewhat. I struggled into my already skinny jeans and then put my waterproof jacket back over the top with no shirt on. The cold I felt on my body when I stepped out was BRUTAL. Thankfully, Heather was back near the handover zone with a towel she had just used and I was able to dry myself somewhat. She also kindly lent me £3.50; I threw some chips and a bottle of water down my neck and meandered back to the tent to get some sleep. It was nearly 3 am before my eyes were shut.

When I awoke, three hours later, my shin was sore and ultimately I made the call I couldn’t do another lap. Disappointed and defeated, I told Michael the news and he went to the handover zone. That was the end of my TR24. The weather turned out better this morning and the final Harriers over the course of the morning (including Nicola who ran a double lap!) finished their runs in the sun.

I had a stellar weekend. I can only thank Graeme so much for organising this. I know the rest of HPH echo this and I can’t wait to be back next year, hopefully doing a few more laps. Hyde and Sleek completed a total of 26 laps in 24:31:42, which put us 18th out of 226 teams. We were only just behind You Can Run But You Can’t Hyde Park Harriers who also did 26 laps in 24:29:04, a mere 2 minutes and 38 seconds quicker. If only I had tripped up Heather, who knows how different that could have been…

Curtis Parker Milnes

https://curtisparkermilnes.wordpress.com/2017/07/23/conti-thunder-run-2017/